+267 75873295
info@gis.co.bw
Taming Childhood aggression: What can we do about it?
August 10, 2021
Meltdowns can cause misery for the child and everyone around this child. The good news is that adults can take charge and get support to manage aggressive behaviour in ways that are effective without being shaming.
Taming the anger monster in our children is a process, often like a marathon and definitely not a sprint to the line. Whether children hit or bite because they are angry or for reasons you just don't understand, aggressive behaviour can be a normal part of child development, especially between the ages of three and nine.
Sometimes toddlers are aggressive because they lack the verbal skills to get their needs across. A child who cannot say, "Don't do that," when their sibling takes a toy out of their hands may hit or bite to express their disapproval.
If children have a tendency towards this kind of aggressive behaviour, it’s up to you to help them develop judgement, self-discipline and the ability to express their feeling in appropriate ways. The good news is that as aggressiveness can be learnt so can calmness. We can follow and reinforce some very basic strategies to help educators and parents develop the ability within our children to stay and become calm from a very young age.
- Lead by example
. Children need someone to look up to and learn from. Parents primary role is to lead by example, modelling the kind of behaviour that you would like your child to adopt. A value system is important.
- Let your child continue being a child
. A toddler is all about testing boundaries. This is the way they explore and come into their own. However, when your children are throwing tantrums or exhibiting other destructive behaviour, it is easy to forget that you are dealing with a child and that they don’t have the wisdom to model good behaviour. Therefore, allow yourself a moment and your child to be a child. However, explain to them why their reactions are not appropriate and inform them of the alternative.
- Teaching your children to acknowledge early warning signs of aggressiveness
. Developing an awareness of early warning signs in a child is vital to success in this process of taming anger. Explain that we all have these little signs that tell us we are fast becoming angry, like maybe talking louder, getting flushed or clenching the fists. There are different signs for different people. Making your child aware will teach them to recognize and act accordingly.
- Teach your children to rethink their emotion
. Parents can start by helping children understand how their emotions work. Help children to label their feelings from an early stage in life and how to manage the big waves that flood them from time to time, both in anger and in joy.
- Age-appropriate techniques to tame anger
. Kids need to know appropriate ways to deal with their anger. Instead of being told, “Don’t hit your brother,” explain what they can do when they feel frustrated. Say, "Next time, use your words" or "Walk away from him when you feel angry."
- Praise nonaggressive behaviours
. Reduce your child's aggression by setting expectations for appropriate behaviour, providing clear and consistent consequences, and praising nonaggressive behaviours.
- Have consequences for misbehaviour
. As much as possible, parents are encouraged to stay consistent in discipline. If your child is aggressive toward another child, provide immediate consequences. Eventually the child will associate the negative consequence with the aggression. Parents can minimize aggressive behaviour with a few techniques that include:
* By staying calm,
* Minimizing situations that can flair up in misbehaviour,
* Avoiding negotiation (don't argue or explain too much),
* Helping your child problem solve solutions in conflict situations,
* Expressing and having open communication, telling them why it is not suitable to use bad language but rather positive language,
* Making your expectations for behaviour clear.
Parenting childhood aggression is protecting them from any physical trauma, and considering their mental and psychological well-being. If your child has frequent outbursts daily for several days or weeks, or is causing physical injury to himself or others, or is being sent home by friends or the school, contact your paediatrician immediately.
O ther than that, parenting childhood aggression is part of the developmental process and most children are able to learn how to manage their anger and frustration. It may require a little patience from you, but in the end, it will be all worth it!
Going back to school can evoke feelings of joy for some but not others. One child may be filled with feelings of excitement as they anticipate having to see their friends once again at school, whilst another child may be overwhelmed with feelings of anxiety at the thought of starting school. Although it can be quite normal to experience some degree of uneasiness at the idea of returning to school, changing school or commencing kindergarten some children find it hard to overcome these feelings of anxiety. One may wonder why children sometimes experience back to school anxiety. Let us explore a few possible factors: a) Going back to early mornings, homework and extracurricular activities can be quite overwhelming for some. b) Worries about fitting in and/or making friends c) Conflict with peers or fellow students, d) Insecurities about their physical appearance e) Unpleasant interactions with school personnel, e.g. teacher, coach etc. f) Bad memories of their past experiences in school may make one think that the current year will be the same g) Much younger learners may feel uneasy about being away from their parents and caretakers. This is very common amongst kindergarten and lower primary school pupils h) Fear of academic failure and/or not meeting the expectations of their parents or teachers can be quite anxiety provoking. With that said, it is important that learners are provided with the necessary support to ensure adequate adaptation to a school environment. Tips to help ease back to school anxiety a) Parents are encouraged to check their own temperatures first. The idea of having to reinstate routines, assist with homework, manage after school activities just to mention a few can be daunting for parents. Since children take cues from their parents, it can be quite easy for the parent to transfer their own anxious feelings on the child. Remain calm and model calm behavior for your child. b) Prepare early. Get bedtimes and wake up times back to normal a week or two before school starts. c) Create a routine for getting up, getting dressed, having breakfast and leaving for school. Establish a consistent daily schedule ahead of time. d) Take heed to the child’s concerns. Concerns may range from complaints about homework or a fight with a friend. Try not to be dismissive and listen attentively. Acknowledge the child’s feelings and where possible give comfort, assurance and assistance on how to sufficiently address the difficulties raised. e) Take a trip to the school before school opens. This is especially helpful if it’s a new school. You and the child may take a tour of the school premises to help the child familiarize themselves with the environment ahead of time. For kindergarten pupils you may also practice with them ‘sitting in class’ and ‘getting out of the car at the drop off point.’ The school trip may be conducted repeatedly as exposure and repetition may ease their anxiety. f) Allow for the use of small comfort items, e.g. a photo or favorite toy can help sooth a child in distress. g) Plan a hand-off on the first morning if you anticipate that your child will probably refuse or be hesitant to separate from you, then. A friend or school personnel could get ready to meet your child and distract them by giving them something to do immediately. If the hand-off is successful, be sure to offer positive reinforcement later. You may say, “you did exceptionally well by heading straight to class this morning.” h) Practice relaxation techniques to help your child manage anxious feelings. Teach them deep breathing exercises, mindfulness etc. i) Set realistic expectations. Let your child know that what matters is for them to exert effort in all they do. Avoid emphasizing outcomes. j) Stay positive. Talk with your children about the things that make school fun. For example, making new friends and attending extracurricular activities. Feel free to share some of your own pleasant experiences of the time you were in school Although children are different, ideally a child should be able to adjust to a school environment after some time. However, if considerable amount of time has elapsed and the child still presents with debilitating anxiety, sad mood, refusal to attend school, frequent physical symptoms such as stomach aches, headaches etc., link the child to care. Start with teachers and the School Psychologist so as to offer the child the necessary support. Early intervention can have a significant impact in your child’s wellbeing and overall school success!
Mindfulness is a great tool to help heal your mind and body. Read more about how to practice mindfulness here.
STEM education is the integration of Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics. Learn more here.
WHERE TO FIND US
+267 316 2230
Plot No. 37224 Block 8 Off Western By-Pass GABORONE, BOTSWANA
